Family meeting

I welcome my fellow earthly beings, as well as my co-Martians and moon men once again to my crib and I hope you all enjoyed your stay here on your last visit? I’m glad you did :). We all know why we’re gathered here again and I hope you all find what you came here for, before we proceed I’ll like to say that I have replaced my former gateman @Micomason because he got me queried by the Martian Government as it was said that several Martian minors have been obsessing over boobs since their last visit here :(.

Moving On, I’m really bored and will definately not make sense. At this point I’m thinking about making this a discussion forum( and that’s asides your comments 🙂 ). Ehen! Lest I forget; you’ve seen smiles all over this post already abi? That’s because I have a reputation to keep as “The Joker”. In real life ehn? I’m a constant frowner and I’ve even won trophies for it in all my 3 “Planets”…but that’s a story for another visit 🙂 .

Ok, ok…I’m about to make a declaration now and I hope I won’t regret this. I declare you all family members and this is now “OUR” house, okay?… But then I’m the “Olori-Ebi” Agreed? Who cares? I have spoken!. For those of you that don’t understand Yoruba “Olori-Ebi” = Head of Family. Moving on! We all know my reputation for convinient and lovely Rules -___- you can check @Terdoh’s Blog for “My Ten Commandments” . Anyways, those rules were for my girl friend… 🙂

Let’s start up this meeting officially shall we? Opening Prayers…No? Okay then, That Lanky Fellow there! Pray for Us.

@Cj_Lawson : Me?…

@JussBasco :No, your Doppelganger from Mars, Yes you!

@Cj_Lawson :Okay sir!. Oh Lord we commit this meeting to your hand, take control, Amen.

@JussBasco : Smh… Typical Earthling from Nigeria; be talking to God like you’re on Per Second Billing. Go and take your seat!

Prayers have been said (we can at least work with that) and I declare this meeting Open! I have taken pain to itemize the Agenda of the meeting too
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Topic 1 ====> RENT PAYMENT: This is actually not as outrageous as you might expect 😀 “Pay your rent”… That’s In Blogsville Language, but then for the sake of “non-Bloggers” (Puffs Chest and adjusts “Ray-Band” Shades) I expect most of you reading this post to subscribe to my blog and it’s quite simple. Tick the box that has something to do with “receiving notification of new post via mail” and post your comment. There! That wasn’t so hard, was it? I’m a good “Olori-Ebi” 🙂 and the rent might actually help as I am broke as “Break” was… Get it? Past tense of break? x_x.

Topic  2 ====> MY STABILITY: It is obvious that nothing in this world is stable anymore and this is very evident with the latest successful haunting down of RIM by the recently jobless poltergeist Steve 😐 . Having said that, I’ll expect you want me to be happy and we never can tell if that “Lizard” called Mike has a way of getting back at Apple #GoFigure (Easy for EDS students tho *Shrug* ) so I demand that we contribute money now to buy me the following:

-iPad 2

-Swift 4G Broadband

-Bold 9900 SmartPhone
.
-iPhone 4s.

-Any HTC phone.

-Etisalat Sim Card with 8 Months BIS and 3,000 Credit.

-MTN Sim Card and a trash can with matching colors

-Econet (or whatever they’re called now)sim card with 4,000 Credit.

-Glo sim with 3 Months BIS and 5,125 Credit. And any other thing you think might compliment these cheap items listed above

With all these you will be sure that your Olori-Ebi will always be comfortable no matter who’s F**king Up 🙂 and he will be able to have “stories” whenever you visit him….

Topic 3 ====> RIGHTS OF OLORI-EBI : Let me briefly tell you about one olori-ebi in my family when I was growing up. This man called for contribution of money for Coaster bus because the family was like a football League(Yes! 20 Teams)and his wise reason was that so we can go and watch actual teams play in the Nigerian League according to the capacity of the Bus (Family Raffle to decide Lucky Winners). I instantly loved the idea and contributed my 5Naira sha… Every other person contributed their “Huge” Sums too and the Olori-Ebi went to cotonou to buy the Bus and still hasn’t returned (I’ll go to cotonou too when pissed off, that place seems far 😐 ).

I hope you are getting this? I may ask you all too to contribute for a certain item that may cost a lot and can be purchased only in cotonou; it’s my RIGHT!

Topic 4 ====> ROOFING : Ehen, first let me thank you for the Air condition (Or whatever it’s called, kmt* A/C joor) but our ranting abode is still in dire need of appropriate roofing. I don’t plan on dwelling much on this topic; Buy the house “Gele” Finish.

The A/C you guys bought is working

@cj_Lawson : Olori-Ebi, what’s in this meeting for us na?

@JussBasco : Sharaap there! How much are you contributing that you’re making Noise sef? I was going to get to that and now you’ve pissed me off! Nothing for y’all till next meeting.

@LaChicNoire : Lai Lai o! There must be something for us today. There must! Which kind of agbaya are you?

@JussBasco : Kind of agbaya? Give me Options.

@LaChicNoire : No Options.

@JussBasco : you this  Black geh;  Iya dudu, calm down for Jesus mehn. Ok, ok… How about I give an advice after the meeting? For you all.

@LaChicNoire : Don’t insult my complexion! And yes, I’ll make do with just an advice… *Shrug*

@JussBasco: ok. #Gbagaun! It’s “Some Advice” :p

Err…There’s no better way to say this, but I wanna use the toilet and I can’t bare to do so with y’all around. MEETING ADJOURNED (I hope I used this in the right context). Yes! How can I forget?… The Advice, yea? ====> “Tamba” today and save the trees 🙂 *Shuts Door*

Anchor Baby

*Dusts cobwebs off weblog* Happy new year, Dear Earthlings and Happy Democracy day, dear Nigerians. I sorry i’ve been away all year and i won’t be telling you why. But i’m sorry for the wait.  Kindly enjoy this short story.  Cheers – @The_Basco

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It’s noon and the house is empty and silent, Brenda is cooking in the kitchen with her earphones plugged in as she’s humming along to a seemingly slow tune, She bends over to put a pot into the lower cabinet and Felix walks across the window outside, unseen to her. She starts to clean up as the pots are still steaming from boiling their contents, she pauses, removing the left earpiece and listening out for sounds. She doesn’t seem to hear anything unusual and she puts the earpiece back in her ear and continues humming, mopping this time.

Felix walks into the house without making his usual “Guess who missed you” Noise, he shuts the door and walks up to the kitchen door holding his bag, surprised to see Brenda oblivious of his presence. He then notices the earphones and pauses to observe her for a bit as she hums on while mopping the floor, backing the door where he stands. She pauses again and leans up, touching her forehead in pain and then she reaches for the cabinet above and retrieves a sachet of pills, pops one and tosses it in her mouth, looks at her wrist watch and heaves a sigh of relief.

Felix seems to have seen enough as he drops his bag by the door and walks up to hug her from behind. She’s startled, but lets him kiss her on the neck still and then she takes her earphones off and turns to him, expressionless –

“Hey, How long have you been around for?”

–  “i just came in”

.- “Cool. You’re home early” He looks at her with a glimpse of concern

“Yea, i came to check on you” – “i’m okay” she looks away.

There is an uncomfortable silence between them both. She walks away to tend to the pots on the Cooker and Felix tries again to engage her in a conversation.

“So, Erm… did you do it already?” she stops, with a stern face

– “Can we not talk about this or anything else till after the meal?”. He nods and

– “Okay, fine. Can i help you serve?” – “I’ve got this, thanks” – “Fine” he walks back to get his bag, touches his forehead in pain and walks off into the house.

*******************

They’re done eating now in what had been a totally silent meal. Brenda drops her spoon and slides her chair out in a bid to leave the dining Area, Felix quickly speaks up to stop her

-“You said we could talk after the meal” She starts tidying the table

– “Okay, Let’s talk then. What about?” – “The Abortion, Did you do it?”

She pauses – “we agreed i’d do it today, didn’t we?…i’ve done it”

Felix is relieved and smiles “Let me clean up, you need to rest” – “i’m okay”

-“No, really. I’ve got this, relax and let me help you”

She Obliges. Felix is evidently happy now as he’s cleaning, she looks at him, with a bit of bitterness and asks

– “Are you even planning on Marrying me?”.

The question shocks him,  he touches his forehead again, shrugs it off and gathers momentum as he turns to her with the same puppy look he did earlier in the kitchen.

– “Ofcourse i do, honey. I don’t just want a child to be the reason we’re rushing it,  we’re not ready and we definitely won’t have a Bastard”

She is furious at his words and Spits back – “Oh? You don’t want a child abi? or Marriage yet? And you’d be fucking me every night without condom like you’ve paid my bride price”

He touches his forehead again in visible pain “Look, can we finish this talk when i’m done with the dishes?” – “whatever” she walks away.

He packs up the plates and takes them to the kitchen. He’s emptying leftovers from the plate into the waste bin when he feels another sharp pain in his head. He drops the plate on the sink and leans against the wall in a bid to rest. He suddenly remembers something and briskly move to the cabinet where Brenda had earlier gotten pills from, He take out the only sachet in there and makes to pop one, He stops in Horror as he looks at the pill and says to himself.

“Contraceptives?…The Bitch was never pregnant”

THE END.

© 2013 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

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The Ransom

*Humming* My Girlfriend is finer than, Alliyou! Alliyou!- oh,hello there Humans, Beliebers and Tonto Dike, as you must have noticed, I’ve left this portal to a certain earthling to administrate for a while now; I’m Back *Terry G Bell*. I don’t have time as I’ve started diversifying and have a motivational seminar to deliver in Neptune(Don’t ask what it’s about, because I don’t know either) later on in the day, settle down for this story I’m about to tell you. Uncut from one of my numerous surveillance cameras on Earth – Yes, I see you all; you’re staring into a screen right now aren’t you? Psssh. Settle down!

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*Somewhere in Africa*

*Cell Phone Rings out*

Mr. Bee: Hello, call me back as I’m in a meeting

Caller: don’t you dare hang up, we’ve got your son

Mr. Bee: We? My Son? What is this please?

Caller: you can call it a Prank call, but maybe when you search for your son and don’t find him, you’d see this more as a business call.

 Mr. Bee: *To business Partners* Sorry Excuse me, I’ve got other important stuff to attend to. *walks out and returns to the phone call* Okay. You’ve got my full attention now

You’ve got my attention now

Caller: confirm, all those Oyinbo wey I been dey talk na because your pikin tell me say you go dey meeting and I been dey fear say you go carry me put for speaker. Make them no go think say I no be professional kidnapper

Mr. Bee: I understand sir, so how can you help me? He is my only Son

Caller: I like people like you. Una sabi how to follow us talk, we go like collect just $1billion

Mr. Bee: Sir? One Billion Cefas?

Caller: no dey follow me crack, I said U.S Dollars!

Mr. Bee: Oga, I get one question –

Caller: Wetin be that?

Mr. Bee: The time wey una carry my pikin, una carry gun?

Caller: Yes na, plenty sef

Mr. Bee: ehen, carry 3 come. I go use one, give my driver one and my gateman go carry the last; make we go find where we go rob, abi you get suggestion for me?

Caller: E be like say you dey reason say na vic. O dey follow you talk abi? You better take me serious, I go allow you follow your pikin yarn now.

Mr. Bee Junior: hello, daddy. Which kain man you be sef? Them don carry me for like 3 days now and you no even put am for news, I no even sure say you sabi say them carry me sef

Mr Bee:  Junior, sorry. Thought you were at your mother’s and I didn’t feel like calling her to confirm. 3 days? Wow! Have they been treating you right? Have you been eating? what do they feed you with?

Mr. Bee Junior : Them dey feed me well o, e near the type wey una dey gimme for house o

Mr. Bee: Ha. Junior, why are you already speaking like these people? In how many days? –

Caller: – ehn, e don do… no be mid-night call. So now wey you don see say na your pikin we hold true, true…when we dey collect our money?

Mr. Bee : Even if I get time to rob all the banks wey dey Abuja, I no fit see that kain money, no vex. I just cant.

Caller: But your pikin nko? You no reason am? I know say you get this money, bring am make we give you your pikin. Na private number I take call you ba? Credit go soon finish o, you better yarn us better thing now.

Mr. Bee: How much last? Talk better before your credit finish o.

Caller: Oya 200Million Naira last price.

Mr. Bee:  ehn? Where you want make I find that one too? Abeg keep the boy, teach am Kidnapping work join. No be only am I born *Call Credit Finishes*

 

At the kidnapping Center

Bobo, your papa na mad man o

Caller:  Bobo, your father na mad man o. I think say na lie you been talk say him no go drop anything. How much contract you talk say him get last month?

Mr. Bee junior: $10 billion o, to do express from our village to river Niger

Caller: Ehn? Na him the man no fit drop $1 Billion? Or 200 Million Naira?. Damn, how we dey do am now?

Mr. Bee Junior:  Make una wound me small, Tear my Cloth. I go run go house talk say I escape. Nice one guys, we try.

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And do let us know what you think via the comment box below. Cheers

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Boss III

There was power outage and Folusho had to go turn the Generator on, he was somewhat annoyed at this task as he was also the one delegated to deposit the week’s earnings in the Bank. Why didn’t they have Thompson switch the Generator on instead? All he could do was murmur and keep most of those thoughts inside himself; complaining out loud was obviously not an option. But then on the bright side, he’d leave Thompson to attend to the customers and that again was bliss.

OZ pharmaceuticals was a really large establishment with lots of cash involved in their daily transactions, but with just enough personnel to handle the daily influx of customers, it was only wise to dedicate only a staff per week to go through with the bank deposits, and the day of the week set aside for this task was Thursdays, the staff selection process was basically random.

Folusho hated banks a lot and was quite demoralized to have heard he was randomly selected out of the pharmacy’s 24 employees for this week

– “why me?, oh lord.. why not that new guy?” he found himself asking in an overly dramatic way, but that was yesterday and today he knew that he had to go on with it and get it over with. He turned the key to the ignition of the generator and it immediately roared to life, he was done with that; he could only wish that the bank transaction would be as easy as a turn of a key.

Thompson had gotten quite a lot on his plate within the few minutes he was gone and the closing hour was near, Thompson and Folusho were in charge of the 2nd sector of the west wing; most of the money of the pharmacy was there today as the deposit was to be done by one of their attendants – “I need cough syrup” the customer next in line said to Folusho as he arrived back at his counter –

“Can I see your prescription please?” Folusho asked, as was expected of him. The young man produced a medical report alongside a prescription. Upon checking it out, Folusho made to ask the next question required of him –

“So which brand do you prefer?” –

“Bennylin with codeine, 20 packs” –

“I’m sorry, we can’t sell you more than one according to this prescription” –

“wetin you mean by that? We be twenty wey dey use this prescritpion, biko give me the twenty, no be my money I go spend?” –

”please sir don’t let’s make anything here difficult, it is the rule” – “okay then, no wahala, I shall have the one pack” –

“How are you paying sir?, Cash or POS?” –

“Cash” Boss Ned said as he reached into his pocket and got a medium sized pocket knife – “Everybody on the ground, try to be Hero here and you’d be stabbed so bad you won’t believe you had that much blood in you…” as he said that, some of the people on the line went down and three others joined him from the line, they were armed too–

“una wey dey counter, hands on the counter where I can see them” Boss Ned went on to say again –

“Go down well before I kick ya belle enter ya head” screamed another of the armed men to the people on the ground in sector 2 of the west wing, the same drill was happening in every other sector of every wing in the building and some of them were still outside watching out for any sudden movement, Kamal was with the outside team; he led them.

“ehen, first of all give me the 20 bottles of bennylin wey I been ask for” –

“That won’t be a problem sir” Folusho said shaking, and he made to go and get
the bottles –

“Eis, stop there! Monsuru, follow the guy go dey look wetin him dey do… you get
Alomo? Join 2 bottles add am”
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Rukayat had finished taking her bath but didn’t feel like leaving the apartment, she was feeling too much like the street queen and wasn’t gonna be in a haste to leave the “palace”, she sat on the bed topless and made to apply some Vaseline on her sore nipples, grabbed the remote control and switched the T.V on while sipping on the remnants of her Alomo and coke. She never stayed this long in his house at all with him in it, let aside now that he wasn’t there.

“Why they no dey ever show better thing for this telefision sef? Mscheew” she said to no one in particular as she switched off the T.v and made to lay down, she was going to wait for Chinedu to get back from wherever it was that he went to, she hoped he didn’t take her request for more Alomo as a joke.

It had gotten real dark and Chinedu wasn’t home, she made to put her bra and top back on and picked up her cell phone, dialed his number and listened to it ring and eventually go dead. She repeated this call drill several other times, leaving nothing less than 20 missed calls on his line. She still wasn’t going to leave the house and she was beginning to wonder why she had been there for so long and hadn’t even deemed it fit to leave yet, with nothing else left to do she switched the television back on –

“make these people don get sense dey show better tin o” she rubbed her eyes in disbelief, and stared at the screen yet again – “no be Chinedu be that? Wetin him dey find for teli?” – *news reporter’s voice* “…The 30 man Gang of robbers armed with knives and bats were apprehended by the police while trying to rob a pharmaceutical store, although one got away. The police had been tipped anonymously of the robbery before hand…” she switched off the T.V and felt a certain cold sensation down her spine and entire body, she grabbed on her breast and exclaimed “Oluwa o! them catch Nedu? Na to comot here o, before them come raid him house join” and without wasting time, she packed her purse and left the house without locking up.

END

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I’m too lazy to finish writing and I feel it’s too long already so I’d let y’all finish it in the your way by filing these loopholes the way you’d have loved it:
– Was the one that got away the snitch?
– Did he really get away? Or was that a part of the benefits of being an
informant?
– What was the rationale behind the snitching? Supremacy in the hood? The ownership of the street queen? The sudden guilt and need for a crime free hood?

Those are the loopholes I left, if you found any more… kindly state them and fill them the best way you want it. Thanks for your relentless support, much love.

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Boss II

Welcome to this Mansion once again, you’d be needing knowledge of this to go beyond this point. Kindly take your seats and take off your Condoms, this is not at all sexual.
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Kamal was popularly known as k-trigger, but that was for the junior boys to call him. He hated his government name and only one person dared called him that; Chinedu. He wished he could call him “Chinedu” each time he got called “Kamal” but that was against the street code and violation of that simple rule “Real names are for bosses to call as Nicknames are for juniors” could make his head the main course to the chicken pepper soup appetiser. He was second in command, the Deputy Chief of these zones and answered only to Chinedu.

“k-trigger how e dey be na? who we dey wait?” Bright said as he paced impatiently around –

“na chi- na Boss Ned we dey wait, I leave am for house. Him suppose reach here soon” Kamal replied looking irritated. Kamal was way higher than bright in hierarchy and had nothing more to say to him after that, his duty was simply to give command and control, his phone vibrated violently in the left pocket of his brown chinos trousers and he struggled briefly trying to get the phone out of his extremely fitting trousers – “how far boss? We dey wait” –

*on the line* “bobo, how far? make una go play small. I dey do something, I go call una when I don finish.” – “no wahala” was all Kamal could say before the line went dead. How could he change all of them’s plans just like that without any valid reason? And he even said they should go and “play”? were they kids? –

“we don dey plan this thing tey tey, I no sabi why boss go dey do like this. I know say na that useless girl him dey f*ck again…we no get choice sha, we gatz wait” Kamal said to the rest of the Gang with pure rage clearly written all over his face.

******* ******* ******** ***********

It had been a little over an hour since Rukayat had come into the apartment, in that time a lot of pleasure had been exchanged between the two desiring bodies and in the most passionate way this time. Rukayat had gone into the bathroom to rinse off and Chinedu simply put his Jeans and Shirt back on and made to call Kamal again to give the go-ahead for re-assembly, more time was a luxury at this point. It was the d-day, but they were way behind schedule already –

“Kamal, I don dey drive come, make sure say all man don dey ready. I no wan yarn too much when I reach o, smooth and brief. safe”… “Babe, lock door when you finish, I dey comot” – “okay o, buy Alomo for me when you dey come back o” she managed to reply from the tiny cubicles carved out to serve as a bathroom. She turned the little plastic cup filled with water face down to release showers of water on her sore nipples. They hurt real bad from his rough manual treatment, she loved the pain and the soothing relief water brought also.

Chinedu was all of a sudden nervous, maybe they weren’t all ready for this, maybe they hadn’t planned and practiced well enough. All those thoughts soon left his mind as he focused on the Lagos traffic; yet another factor he hadn’t considered so much. In about another 45 minutes, Chinedu arrived at the muster point and all the gang members were present –

“so I don show now and we’re good to go. We still remember the drill ba? No be serious something, so na basic equipment o” –

“Boss Ned, I don go through everything with them again as we been dey wait, we are good to go” kamal answered.

“Confam, I don sabi say you no go slack. So who be the people wey you been select to count am after?” Chinedu enquired yet again

“Boss man, leave that side jare. Them go announce the amount for news tomorrow” Kamal answered yet again, like he anticipated the query. All matters had been addressed and the gang got into 4 buses in all and that was a sure indicator that the task had started.
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Final sequel would be posted 12pm on Friday the 30th of November, thanks for your time and dedication, sorry i keep pushing shit forward, forgive me.

I’d also like to briefly tackle the issue of commenting. People, please voice your opinions through the comment box below and not via BBM and let other readers see them and either agree to them or disagree with them, that way we’d be able to give you exactly what you want. Cheers

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Boss

Hello there good people of the Earth, I must say that I’ve been really busy off here in recent times (Not like I’ve ever been regular anyways) but I seem to have done a lot to keep y’all visiting regularly for the next 2 weeks at least. I and the Team (what y’all call We) hope you like it. You can like to get your Condoms and Postinor and what have you because I think this is sexual. Enjoy 🙂

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This post is suitable for earthling who have attained the age of 18 and more. I won’t be responsible for the disobedient young earthlings that go beyond this point. No, really.

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The day started off like every normal day in this part of the world, like a typical Thursday would be in these zones, was it going to end the same? No one exactly knew for sure, but so far it was looking pretty much the same; the stray dogs looking weak and hunting for easy food in the waste bins, the stray chickens being streets wise and refusing to be “astray” in the real sense as that would surely end them up in the pot of a hungry human, the Humans themselves were busy dodging bullets and buying some for themselves. This was the ghetto as Chinedu “Boss Ned” knew it; it was all he knew.

Boss Ned was the king of the hood, and there was no point disputing it. He grew up here and patiently climbed the ladder of hierarchy to the top and today was his first day of action as the royal head of these rugged zones, it had taken few weeks of planning, scheming and practice to get here and the D-day was finally here.

His phone rang out loud as he walked out of his door to get to the car and he was a bit startled, “gather yourself o boy why you dey shake like ashawo for Allen?” he told himself as he gathered momentum and answered the call – “Babe, how far?” he said puffing his chest like he could be seen through the phone, he always assumed the dominant position to make up for his lack of adequate height, he was 5’1’ and was also nicknamed “small but mighty” but that nickname was never said to his face; “Boss Ned” was the politically recognized name on the streets- “Alright na, no wahala” he said finally ending the 1 Minute 23 Seconds long call that had apparently left him more determined in his chosen task for the day.

The task required him driving off to a pre-determined location to start with, but that phone call changed things for a bit, he’d now have to return into his apartment and remain there for the next 45 minutes or so and he didn’t owe the rest of the crew any explanation; he was the King. In less than 5 Minutes after the end of the call, there was a soft feminine knock on his door and he immediately felt blood move from his Big head to the small one- “Let’s go there!” was all he managed to think as he walked towards the door to open it.–

“Rukayat,you tey smallo”–

“Chinedu, Na wa to you o, I family bolt? E never reach 10 minits since I been call you o” –

“Oya no vex, sidan make I find you Alomo and Coke” he said gesturing towards the edge of the bed.

It had just occurred to him that he had no condoms left and wasn’t going to admit that he wasn’t prepared for this, not having her Alomo ready was enough sin –

“I dey come, make I go buy the cond – Alomo come” –

“ehn? Chinedu, you dey use me play?why you never buy all this tinz down na?” –

“babe, calm down…I dey come” he said as he sped out to iya London’s kiosk down the road to get the condoms, Alomo and coke. Iya London got that name because she claimed to have had her primary education in London during the colonial Era; no one argued, they hadn’t been there anyways. He returned 10 Minutes later to meet her already half naked on the bed, he was hiding the condoms in his back pocket while displaying 2 bottles of chilled Alomo and a chilled bottle of Coke; he loved his Alomo undiluted(the Masculine way) –

“no vex say I been tey, iya London been tie me down with her London talk, you know na” he said with a wink that wasn’t necessarily called for as he handed the Alomo and coke to her.

“Chinedu, no go first me finish today o. Drink that ya Alomo well well because I no go gree you like that last time” she said in between sips of her personally made local cocktail –

“wetin you mean? No vex me o” he had finished his bottle and was unbuttoning his shirt, she left her bottle that was still significantly full and went over to where he was sitting on the bed, parted his legs wide enough for her to fit between in a kneeling position facing him as she took his hands off his buttons and picked up where he left off. His hands had been taken off his shirt and he was going to enjoy this for as long as he could, he then grabbed on her arms, making small movement in circles with his thumbs; he was taking this slow and she loved it. She was Done unbuttoning his shirt and had taken them off him and she got up from her knees and sat on his already Hard dick and rocked on it back and forth teasingly for a few seconds before getting up to smile naughtily at the bulge in his jeans, she loved to think that the Alomo had kicked off its work. She took a sip of her cocktail yet again and in a swift movement, she sat on his lap facing him and made to kiss him with some of the content still in her mouth, this irritated him as he pulled away from the kiss –

“wetin be that? Abeg I no get time for this oyinbo love” –

“no vex, I don swallow am” and she made to plant another deep kiss on his lips, granting her tongue immediate access into his mouth while her hands rubbed on his chest, pinching his nipples. He felt this was some sort of request, an “invitation to treat” as he made for her bra, struggling with the hook for a bit, he pulled away from the kiss to complain yet again “abeg comot this thing for me” –

“you too dey complain, ahn ahn” she fussed a bit as she un hooked her bra.

They had been kissing and smooching for like 15 Minutes now and he couldn’t believe how much she had made him love kissing in the past months, she was his hood hoe, the streets queen and they were at each others’ beck and call. That reminded him, the guys must have been waiting –

“I dey come, make I sharply call Kamal”… “bobo, how far?make una go play small. I dey do something, I go call una when I don finish.”and he hung up – it had occurred to him that the 45 minutes he had in mind before now could be an understatement . As at now she had only her under pants on and he still had his jeans on, he wanted her to undress him some more, he preferred it that way. He gave a suggestive look at his bulge – “release junior na” and that was probably all she needed to hear, she was loving the pace at which they were going today, he seemed a lot more patient and seemed to be anticipating more than her nakedness. She tugged at his belt and unbuckled it, yanking it out of the holes, she was fast. Next she grabbed his jeans and dragged them off him and saw his Eiffel Tower waiting to be unveiled underneath his boxer shorts, she had lost all patience now as the price was near, she tugged at the boxer shorts too and took them off – “Junior don big o, Alomo dey do you good” and pushed him into a lying position from his sitting one.

You would have thought she was a rock star with the professionalism with which she grabbed his dick in her right hand like a wireless microphone and slowly licked at the crown… she loved the involuntary movement of his dick in response to her oral gestures and went on to dip half of his member in her mouth thrusting it in and out slowly while maintaining her tongue movement on his dick crown. How she managed to pull off such oral co-ordination was beyond him but he loved it still – “urrgh fuck” he grunted out as he started to really feel the heat, he leaned forward to a sitting position yet again and grabbed at her breasts, squeezing them hard, he had lost his cool and it was getting rough; they were loving this and nothing else in the world mattered.
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As has almost become a habit, there would be a sequel to this post and it would be published on Wednesday the 28th of November 2012(1 PM, W.central Afican time). Thank you all for your support and constant visits. I also want to give a special shout out to my Team; Ella, Georgina, Kenny, Annie, Zoba and co, you all rock.

Last announcement *drumroll and Vic.o beats* we now have an official twitter account. Follow us on @TheJokingAbode for updates and all, yes guys we follow back too, just mention us and we’d be right behind you. Cheers

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Time Wrap III

You know you ought to have read Time Wrap I and Time Wrap II before attempting to read this, right?

 

DISCLAIMER: All names and events in this story are entirely the work of the writer’s imagination, every resemblance either living or dead are entirely co-incidental… or not.

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It’s been several days since she told him off over the phone. Several days since she left his house in annoyance and he didn’t even make a move to stop her. Time had gone so fast, the hell did it find a jet pack from? A time machine didn’t seem so much like a bad idea; lots of things to be undone and even more to be redone. Adrian snapped out of his fantasy knowing fully well that the past couldn’t be changed and the best he could do was to learn from them in order to save the future.

Lots of issues kept cruising in and out of his mind at the speed of 2 Bolts on Cocaine and Weed each; he couldn’t keep track anymore (see what I did there?). He needed to clear his thoughts, he picked his glass of Orange Juice with Vodka off the table just beside the Blue sheet of hard Paper, sipped it and made to drop it back where he just picked it. He noticed the glass had left a ring of water on the newly polished center table and it made him miss her more, she’d have insisted he used a coaster. His life was a roller-coaster ride right now, was it just him? Or was everything in life connected one way or the other (noticed or not) why did he have to describe his life as a “roller coaster ride” after thinking about Annabel and Coasters and she was yet the main reason his life felt like a roller coaster ride; The Vodka and Juice were obviously not helping yet, he was nervous, these thoughts were faster than ever, he emptied the content of his glass into his mouth real fast and winced as he swallowed hard – “That should do the trick” he said standing up to place the blue Sheet of paper on the Freezer in the kitchen as he went to drop his empty glass in the sink, he had been seeing too much of that Sheet of paper around lately and they made him more nervous.

“Hey there Clara, how are you today? Please can I have those evaluations sent to my personal mail, I won’t be in the office today… Cancel all my appointments for the week too. Thanks” He hung up and tossed the phone on the couch like he was fond of doing whenever he just got off the phone with anyone who wasn’t Annabel. He wondered why he wasn’t interested in his Personal Assistant Clara, she was really attractive and obviously attracted to him too, he’d be needing more of that vodka and juice now; his thoughts were tending to be a lot more inappropriate. He was going to retrieve his glass and make for the bar for more Juice and Vodka when his phone rang, his heart seized, it was her, it was her special ring tone. He ran towards the couch and quickly picked the call casually –

“Hello there, Adrian on the Line”-

“I know who I called joor, how are you?”-

“oh Annabel, is that you?. I’m very well thank you”-

“Haha, you joke too much Adrian and you’re Welcome. I’m fine too, not like you asked… I called to confirm that you got my message”-

“I did Annabel, and I Understand. Best of Luck”-

“Thanks Adrian, See you soon. Bye” – Adrian didn’t bother replying because she hung up as soon as she said those words, brought back certain memories yet again. Perhaps Sleep was the only way to incarcerate these wicked thoughts. Speaking of undoing and redoing things, going to that very club on that fateful Friday night(Saturday Morning) he met Annabel was one of the things he’d surely redo if he ever laid his hands on a time Machine.

************

Annabel was on her way to the airport in a taxi, the movement had been quite impromptu. A Red Picanto car drove by and she smiled remembering her first argument with Adrian, thinking of it now it seemed really cute, she missed him already. She had sent wedding invitations to her colleagues, family and Adrian, her favorite color(Blue) was also that of the invitation card. “Ebele Weds Annabel”… She smiled at those words on the Blue card and tucked it back safely into her bag, she was going to the U.K to get her wedding gown; her husband (to be) was bad like that.

She had been at her parent’s house for  a while, mainly for the wedding arrangements and was to see Adrian that day, she got a tip that the Gown she was to buy was on sale the next day and her husband being a bad ass had given her his Credit card for special occasions; this was one, she needed to be in the U.K in time for the sale, she had tried calling Adrian to cancel the “Appointment” but his phone was probably off and she had to drop a voice mail explaining. She tried his number again in the Taxi on her way to the Airport and his number finally went through. She finally confirmed that he had gotten her message, she missed him yet again and it didn’t feel wrong still. She still loved him and couldn’t wait to get back from her trip to see him.

MONDAY, 10^th FEBRUARY 2014

It had been just a week since she left for the U.K to shop for the wedding, she was on her way back now and she smiled as she made a mental comparison of Heathrow and Murtala Muhammad Airports, the difference was quite clear, she worried she may have had to pay for extra luggage, but then it wasn’t her money to be spent, she loved her husband for many reasons and funny enough his money wasn’t one of them.

Lagos, Nigeria… Home, she loved that she was back, her traditional wedding was in four days, valentine’s Day and that was another cute coincidence. She called her husband to inform him that she had landed safely and was in a Taxi, heading back to her parent’s House for more arrangements, funny how they spoke on the phone –

“Hello, Adrian Here…”-

“I thought your mother warned you to stop calling yourself that, ehn? Ebele”-

“Haha, I figured I’d say my traditional name to only her over the Phone. Moreover, those were the very first words of mine you ever heard. Thought you’d love to continue hearing it”-

“Na you Sabi, I called to inform you that I’ve landed safely and I’m heading to my parents’. See you soon Baby”-

“I’m not a Baby ma, see you soon too sha… and I missed you”-

“haha, aim better next time,  miss you too. Bye”-

She didn’t care to figure how a total stranger had in Months grown to become someone she’d be married to in days, but she knew it was what she wanted, what she loved and was what she was going to get- “Cheers to Mrs Adrian Ebele-Miller” she whispered with a dreamy smile and a chuckle,as the Lagos Breeze caressed her face and the Car sped away.

THE END

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Time Wrap II

In case you missed Time Wrap I. view it here before you proceed. Thanks

WARNING: The story you’re about to read is rated 18 as it contains strong language and you’re hereby required to close this page if under-aged

DISCLAIMER: All names and events in this story are entirely fictitious, every resemblance either living or dead are entirely co-incidental… or not.

 

FRIDAY 6^th July 2012

“I Just hate men” she mumbled to herself as she watched a movie alone in her flat just outside the school premises, a glance at her watch made her make for the window in top speed – “It’s evening already?” she looked at her watch again and out the window yet again as if to confirm that it wasn’t a mirage. She had been home all day and didn’t even notice how much time had gone till the end of this very movie; it was the last in her DVD movie collection. Boredom had set in quite fast and she could even hear the hands of her time piece move now in such deafening silence, she wasn’t the type to have a million friends and her few friends were out… “TGIF Tinzz” they called it.

She had deliberately made a long meal to kill time, but time was some tough son of a bitch this time; she coulda sworn it had some Chuck Norris swag on. She never joked with her food, she loved food and ate a lot and even better, she remained slim- “Winning” she said to herself as she remembered how little food affected her body-“Where does all the food that Annabel eats go?” was another reminiscence that confirmed her gift. She settled and ate her food slowly and pretended to be interacting with it to further more initiate another assassination attempt at time, she was weird like that and yet again she failed at the attempt, sleep wasn’t anywhere close(apparently it went clubbing too) and the only option left was to “Catch cool fun” she whispered to herself mimicking an Italian based Nigerian Monkey and laughing in the process(she was having fun with herself alright, but she needed to try another type that involved nasty Humans).

She was feeling like a serial killer now, she didn’t remember what use it was trying to kill time after already deciding to go out, but then tried another time wasting technique(Lay Man’s Language: Make-Up) and that injured the great time to an extent as she slipped into a gown and hopped out to end the boring day.  As she walked into the club she didn’t want any attention and as such she simply settled by the couch beside the door and observed. She looked across the room and could see a man dancing with no care in the world, he didn’t seem to know how bad he was at dancing (or maybe he just didn’t care). After few minutes of her smiling at his awkward movement from beside the door, he went and took a seat. The young man still seemed to be having a lot of fun as he started nodding and tapping his head happily from his seat, she admired his courage.

She wanted to be noticed by him but she wasn’t in his line of sight, and she was technically alone in that side of the club anyways, no one ever sat at that side when there was still space. She made to stand up from her former seat and walked across the room right in front of his line of sight then sat just adjacent his seat, she felt a bunch of eyes on her “Boobs and Ass” but couldn’t care less… They could look but not touch. She loved the fact that his eyes were amongst those that gave her assets short stares; he had finally noticed her. Few minutes after she had changed seats, he walked up to her and screamed something she couldn’t quite hear over the Music, was he saying his name? She thought she saw his lips move to the Rhythm of “Alien”… was he calling her an Alien with a smile? Did she look so lost in here? Then he made to shake her; surely she’d wanna touch him and feel his skin and maybe some sweat (freaky? She didn’t much care either) his palm felt like hard paper, and then she noticed he was dropping his card… “Adrian Miller” oh! Adrian was what he said, he had returned to his seat already and was now making naughty faces from his seat and she liked it, and reciprocated.

After a while, he was set to leave with his friends, it was obvious they had been there for a while. She regretted wasting so much time trying to kill time; she wished she had been there earlier. On the bright side, she had his card and phone number and was going to call him – he made a sign as he was leaving and mouthed “Call me”- now she had his permission to call, couldn’t have been better. She was gonna call As soon as she left the noise behind.

THURSDAY, 26^th July 2012

A lot of things had changed in the last 20 days, or 19 days if she wanted to be nerdy like Adrian and point out that they met early Saturday morning and not Friday night; he had gotten too serious, what happened to the playful guy she was drawn to 19 days ago (damn, now his seriousness was rubbing off).  She still liked him a lot but then he seemed to be complicating her life, she didn’t wanna say he owned her but she wanted to be his. He had found a way to make her happy and sad, make her wanna leave and yet stay; he had turned her life to a simple dilemma.

The other day they had argued about cars fitting into his guest room and it had started as a Joke, only for the nerd to go into dynamics of how to execute the project; he was boring now and she was getting hurt, it had barely been days and she couldn’t get any more hurt, she had spent years building these very guard she let down in 19 20 days. She loved the kiss and hug, she even loved the “CUM” joke he told but where was that man? Where was the romantic and funny guy now? In the few days she had spent with him in the house, they had built lots of memories together; they cooked half naked together, ate together, took baths together and they never missed the hot and passionate Sex,  it wasn’t gonna be easy to stop whatever it was that they had right now. Adrian was single, she was too… but she really didn’t want any commitments; her last one had hurt like hell and she wondered now what she was doing at the verge of another, she needed to stop this. He treated her like his queen, she knew he didn’t see her as a whore, but it was all so confusing right now, she had constant headaches from thinking too hard about it, she’d be doing them both a favour if she stopped.

TUESDAY, 31^st July 2012

Today was the height of all his annoying acts, she had taken her things and left his house really annoyed, how dare he say that? She didn’t even remember what exactly he said, but she knew it had pissed her off and she wanted to remain pissed at him. She had cussed at him and said her mind about how annoying he had gotten in the past 7 days she had spent with him in the house, it wasn’t fair that she had left out the marvelous things she had felt in that time too; but he wasn’t fair to have said what he said too (whatever that was again..). He had let her go out without trying to stop her, she was guessing that was one of his “Gentlemanly” acts as he claimed to know women a lot since he grew up with 3 in his house, she wished he had at least tried to stop her and this made her a lot more annoyed.

She got back to her flat, switched her laptop on and tried to play songs to calm her spirit, apparently they both loved music that much and she loathed that fact now; she didn’t wanna remember him at all. She clicked “Shuffle” and the first song to play was the very song they had made out to once, Curse John Legend for making the track. He definitely wouldn’t be able to reach her on SKYPE because she wasn’t gonna log in. Few moments later her mobile phone rang and she knew it was him, she ignored. After missing like 6 Calls she picked up and said “Please. Stop. Stop trying to talk to me”… she knew those words hit him and she was proud to have hurt him back the way he hurt her, she hung up and switched her phone off . She sobbed softly into her pillow, she had gotten used to him, this was gonna be hard, but she had to go through with it. It was what they both needed.

NOT THE END

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 The final post in this Story will be published on Monday the 8th of October 2012. Stay Tuned. Thanks

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Time Wrap

WARNING: The story you’re about to read is rated 18 as it contains strong language and you’re hereby required to close this page if under-aged

DISCLAIMER: All names and events in this story are entirely fictitious, every resemblance either living or dead are entirely co-incidental… or not.

TUESDAY, 31st July 2012

“Please. Stop. Stop trying to talk to me”… Those words shut down all his internal organs, his heart most especially as they sank deep into his mind, how did things get this way? He didn’t really wanna know how; all he knew for sure was that he couldn’t just stop talking to her. Welcome to the mind of Adrian the 25 Year old Business Mogul – He dialed her number again and the only voice at the end of the line this time spoke to him saying “The Subscriber you’re calling is currently not…” – He knew the rest of it and wasn’t gonna hear it, he Hung up. She had meant everything she just said, he missed her already and that was yet another mystery.

Adrian was not the type to have feelings for any females, well asides his mother and two sisters. He searched for clues as to how this had come about, how did he even come to fall for her in the first place? He was starting to question himself too much. He dropped his mobile phone and subconsciously walked to the Kitchen to get some coffee off the food processor, he needed some for the Pain. Few Sips of the brew told him that indeed this pain wasn’t leaving him anytime soon and without noticing he was doing it, he made for the sink and spilled the rest of the coffee in it, waste.

He loved Music a lot and always had some sort of music playing at any point in time, he did everything with music – “Everyone thinks I have it all, but it’s so empty living behind these castle walls…” Christina Aguilera was singing his exact situation right now. Adrian knew for sure that everyone on his street went “I wanna have what he has” each time they watched him drive out of his huge house in his different cars; no one really knew how sad he could get for various reasons. A call home to his mother or sisters or even his father usually lifted his spirit, but the only call to be made today to make things right was to her and she had hung up and switched off her phone. He was sad, he needed her, and he wanted to work things out but he knew this was it; it was the end of his few days of Happiness.

TUESDAY, 24th July 2012

Since he was a young man, he believed most things were to be done by him and as such he lived alone in his huge house save the Gate man and Gardener and some other weekends when his friends stayed over. Today was gonna be exciting, Annabel was coming over for the first time and she was going to stay a while with him, a week maybe. This was the first time they’d be seeing again since last 2 Fridays, they had based the rest of the relationship between that time on phone calls and SKYPE as they were both busy; Annabel with school and Him with business trips but this was the time they had made out for each other and they were finally gonna do all the Erotic and even none-Erotic things they had talked about – *Ring Ring* Why was his land line ringing? He looked at his mobile phone where it was charging and remembered he had switched it off –

“Hello, Adrian here…” –

“Adrian, it’s Ann… Are you Home now though?” _

“No, I’m answering my landline from my office via satellite… haha, where are you?” –

“Ha, you promised not to make fun of me again… I’m on my way to your house now” –

“No Biggy honey, I’m very much at home” – he started cleaning the house again though it was already clean, he must have cleaned it at least a thousand times already today.

Upon her Arrival, he welcomed her with a warm and long kiss in between hugs, he had waited long enough to do that, she bit his lower lip playfully and they broke the hug up to walk each other to the room to drop her luggage – “I Hope I didn’t come too early?” Annabel asked as she checked her watch, Adrian had a naughty look on his face as he replied “you can’t come too early or late, whenever you come is the right time” and he winked; it turned her on, he could tell but she didn’t show it.

It was barely evening and they had already found a million things to argue over, some weren’t even sensible enough to be heard of by third parties –

“How will you say 10 Picanto cars can be parked comfortably in this room? The door of the room isn’t even big enough for one to drive through” Ann said, looking truly pissed –

“Who said anything about driving it through the door? What if I had the roof removed and had a crane drop each of them from the top into place?” Adrian countered with his annoying look of supremacy and victory, the look irritated her already.

They would go on to argue about any and everything throughout her stay and she just couldn’t handle it anymore; she was tired of getting hurt, of hurting him. She was too troublesome for him is what she claimed; he was too serious for her she also added. Whatever it was that they had, she had to stop it as she presumed it wasn’t healthy for any of them, they were both single and yet not in a relationship with each other. They were both Sad individually and they seemed to make each other happy and sad yet again, these complications were sickening and yet Adrian liked her a lot; they liked each other but were too scared for commitment.

FRIDAY 6th July 2012

Adrian’s Love for Music had led him to love Friday nights a lot, he seldom missed them; the sound waves hitting him all around his body, and this was bliss to him. He loved clubbing a lot, though he seldom danced as his body co-ordinations had been described by his sisters as an absolute disaster but it was fun to watch others while nodding his head and tapping his feet while sitting. Tonight was gonna be different and he could feel it in his guts, or maybe that was just the Jack Daniels, he felt something in his guts still. His friends were dancing away and he felt the urge to join them and after thinking about how awkward he dances, he still went ahead to drop a few simple steps and no one seemed to be staring at him, that just meant he was doing good so far, or no one simple cared to watch any other person dance.

He had gone back to sit and was back to observing dance steps and mentally performing the dance while actually just nodding and tapping – “I’m Dancing still” he thought to himself as he smiled, he suddenly got distracted by a young lady walking in, She was tall and slender with breasts and bum in the right proportion. Her tight knee length gown hugged her body revealing all the curves, bends and stops. She walked in alone, which almost never happened; a fine lady walking into the club alone.

Instantly, many pickup lines came to his mind “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” he shook his head “Were you created on a Sunday? Seems like God made you when he was resting” he shook his head even Harder now, he must have been at it for a while now and he could have sworn that he caught her stealing a glance; that motivated him as he got up to walk to where she was sitting – “Hi, I’m Adrian” he said offering her his complimentary card with a handshake, she definitely couldn’t hear him over all the Music playing but she accepted the handshake and the complimentary card with a smile, he walked back to his seat and maintained eye contact for some more minutes. They smiled at each other for a long time and made naughty faces. When he was about leaving with his friends, he signaled her to call him and winked.

He had barely gotten back home when his phone rang – “Hello, Adrian here”…

“Hi Adrian, this is Annabel. I just got your complimentary card. This is my Number”… He hung up and called her back; that was what bosses do. They went on to talk for a long while and he smiled throughout, she made him happy already…

THE BEGINNING.

To all Nigerians that read this, Happy Independence day…The sequel to this post wll be published on friday the 5th of October, watch this space. cheers.

© 2012 @The_Basco. All rights reserved

Family

The Earthling, Mfon is here again with another story. He feels he has got a hang of it…. It’s the best I can do for you earthlings since I leaked an intergalactic secret on here by Mistake, Enjoy.
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DISCLAIMER: The following story including all names of persons, locations and organisations are entirely a work of fiction. Any incidence or name with resemblance is entirely co-incidental.

“You never listen, young man… never!” was all Mr. Yinka could Manage to say to Akinyemi as he concentrated hard on the road ahead of him, this very road was well known to have crazy drivers; both commercial and private vehicles and the motor cycle riders were not left out of the craze either. Akin didn’t even act like Mr. Yinka had just spoken to him, he pretended to be admiring something in traffic, there was already the usual traffic congestion that came with the rush hour and it got the driver annoyed that he always had to drive in the “hold-up” because the little boy never woke up early enough for school. “I Blame his parents ” he thought to himself with a frown, either ways this was his job for now and he had to endure it at least till he got a befitting job if he ever did.

Mr. Yinka had been working for Akin’s parents for 12 years now and the pay was barely enough for him, his wife and his new born baby Opeyemi. Yinka and his family lived in the boy’s quarters of the Adebiyis’ Ikeja home and despite the fact that rent wasn’t part of their expenses, they barely had enough to survive on. Yinka couldn’t say the Adebiyi family had not been nice to him, he just wished they could be nicer. He never really had an audience with Chief Adebiyi, or his wife as all his dealings for the past 12 years were mostly with chief’s Personal Assistant, Mr. Blessing. The parents travelled too often and barely had time for the kids, let aside the workers.

After what seemed like eternity, he arrived at Akin’s school. The sign board that read “Great Leaders Nursery & Primary School, Yaba” was always like a light of hope to Mr. Yinka, he loved the fact that he’d be dumping the rude and unruly 10 year old for the rest of the morning up till early afternoon. It was a break he loved every school day. A befitting break that he always got, why then wouldn’t he get a befitting or happy job?

He had been hoping for a befitting job for quite a long time now, in fact it felt like forever. His qualification couldn’t get him much but he at least hoped he’d be happy doing his job. “Olayinka Ireoluwa Ekundayo” was the name you’d find on both his certificates; his Primary school’s and Secondary school’s. Oh yes, he had education up to secondary school level and yet was a mere driver to an annoying and disrespectful primary school kid. Mr. Yinka hardly talked much to Akin when driving him to school to save himself the constant insults from a kid he was old enough to father – “Oya come down and go to your class, you’ve missed assembly again. What time should I come back?” – “you don’t know my time table? Come when I close, I’m not doing lesson today” – “come down joor, olodo” – “I’m telling mom what you called me” he said as he alighted and ran to his classroom.

Upon entering the classroom the teacher was already in class as expected and some pupils were kneeling just beside the white board, this was a familiar sight to Akin as he simply went to his seat to drop his bag and walked back out to kneel by the others; he knew the drill, he was yet again late. “Who can tell me the two types of Family” Mrs. Eno said in her shrill voice and it was almost like a military command as most of the front row shot their little hands up and echoed “Aunty I, Aunty I” and the back row simply look uninterested, Mrs. Eno then faced those kneeling by the board – “Akin, answer the question right and you’d get to go to your seat” –

“Types of family? Erm Rich Family and poor Family?” –

“No” –

“Good family and bad family?” – “No! who else wants to try?” as she turned her gaze back to the class – “Derrick, go ahead” –

“nuclear and extended family”- “Correct! Clap for him!”. She gave a disapproving look at Akin and the rest of the late comers, she then shook her head and walked to the board and wrote “Family” drawing two lines under it making a distinct noise. “Our Families are quite important to us children, we must love and care for them, they are God’s gifts to us… do you understand?” – “Yes Aunty!” they echoed. The rest of the class was back ground noise to Akin as he was bent on not listening because he was left to kneel all through the class. Break time was the only part of school he really enjoyed, funny how Mr. Yinka loved breaks like he did, sad he didn’t care much for him even though his father had told him many times that Mr. Yinka was family and now Mrs. Eno is asking to treat family right and care for them(family), was Mrs. Eno asking for him to treat his driver like a human being? He thought with his face looking like he had tasted something bitter, this was all too much for his 10 year old mind to take in as he shook the thought off his mind and ate his sandwich with no single care in the world.

This matter had been bothering him since yesterday’s class, so he went to the school’s counsellor during break to ascertain if really drivers were humans and not Animals, his elder brother after all treated his own driver like a goat and also calls him one – “Good morning ma, please I need to talk to you about something” he went on to say as soon as she offered him a seat. He told her all that bothered him concerning the house workers that his dad had declared to be family since they had been there since even before he was born. –“your parent’s workers are humans and should always be treated as such, they are elders and should be treated as such too… respect and treat them right” was her simple reply, she could not talk more on the matter because he had taken too long already and there was a queue to see her.

It was the end of that day in school and Mr. Yinka had been waiting in the parking lot for a few minutes, Akin ran towards the car opened the back door as usual but didn’t sit, he dropped his bag instead and shut the door, opened the front door and sat there – “good afternoon sir” he said with a smile as he fastened his seat belt –“I’m sorry you had to wait, I was copying my assignment” he further more said – “no wahala, are we set?” Mr. Yinka managed to say as he shaked the surprised look off his face, who was this respectful young boy? And what had happened to the annoying one he had dropped off earlier that morning? He didn’t care, he loved this one better and thought to himself how far the boy would go in life if he kept this respectful behaviour towards elders – “God Bless you” he said again with joy from the bottom of his heart as he pulled the gear stick to “D” and let go of the brake to begin the journey and the rest of a pleasant life.

THE END

Shower Hour

*The Joker’s Ranting Abode, Earth Portal 13Th September, 2,012 AD*

The Following broadcast is suitable for only Martians above the age of a century as it contains strong language and issues concerning grownups alone, at this point you’re obliged to destroy the message if you’re not old enough and be sure to report to this oversight to the M.I.B for performance evaluation purposes. Thanks.
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Greetings o ye superior species of the most high’s creatures, I am Basco and you may remember me from last decade’s galactically famous talent hunt show, “Mars’ Most Boring Being”. It’s been a decade and I still can’t thank you all enough for your votes and threats to the organizers that eventually made me the winner of the 148th Edition of the Competition. Well, that single act has brought me back to talk to you all again and this time I’m mounting this podium to record this broadcast as the brand ambassador of the Martian Bathroom Affairs Commission(M.B.A.C) and I’d be passing across to you messages concerning Toilet and Bathroom usages and Violations

VIOLATIONS

The Commission spends a lot of it’s resources (details with held in case of breach)in keeping our bathrooms up to the M.I.B code and yet we still find a lot of you old people violating our usage clauses, this isn’t fair; young Martians look up to us and this isn’t the kind of behavior we should be exhibiting.

I would like to remind you that only one rule guides the usage of bathrooms (and Toilets) in Mars; Do in it only things you can do when the whole galaxy is watching(this applies to the extra curricula activities in these places). Don’t understand yet? That’s why I’m here… to bore you till your only choice is understanding (i don’t even know how that works… if it works).

1. Most of you old Martians have been rumored to sing in the showers, in horrible voices too; since when did y’all turn to humans though? Since when? Imagine walking down the streets with no earphones on and yet be singing aloud in a Lindsay Lohan (Popular Earthling, check “Blue Spherical Waste” by T.M Joker for more reference) Voice and to a Vic.O(Yet another famous Earthling) tune. That shit ain’t right yo, respect the bathroom and the commission.

2. Another annoying act that can be likened to the humans that you Old folks do in the bathroom is taking a bath Naked. Are you even kidding me right now? Do you know the government’s annual budget for bathing suits at all? That’s a huge chunk of your tax that you’re wasting yo!. I’ve said the simple code “Do in your bathroom only what you can do outside”. The Bathroom is not your private place, it is the government’s. What is with you showering Naked? Is it Normal for you to walk around Naked? Showing your entire 3 and a half Penises? Or worse for the Females; your Dozen Holes and various lumps. Sluts! Be wise and desist from this act and use the bathing suit we at the commission have gone through pain to provide.

3. Ha! The height is sex in the Bathroom. Do I need to say much on that? Again, can you have sex on the road?(except Sector 64NB which we all know to be the approved site for public sex) Caution! Caution!! Caution!!!.
Infact, at this point you should have stopped to wonder how I know all these things. Your Bathrooms are really pubic actually and as a caring Martian I’ve decided to advice you to stop all those annoying and stupid things you do in them thinking you’re alone because as a matter of fact, the Commission is watching you!

CONDUCT
I will also once again take time to spell out the M.I.B Bathroom code of conduct to you all.

WHEN TAKING A DUMP: Take your various Martian district passports with you and *Blurr… Blurr* *loses Transmittion*
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Will Smith: Dafuq is wrong with you? You were to be transmitting that message to the Central District and not Earth’s Portal, you fool. Thank your moons I discovered it in time and killed the switch.

@The_Basco: Erm, what? Who says I’m transmitting anything to Earth at all sir? I only touched the Portal this morning to communicate with my Earthling sister, it’s her birthday today and I wanted to wish her a happy day and that was the Only time I even touched that switch.

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*Central District Portal, Mars 13th September 20, 315,127 AD*

Hey There Tiana, it’s your big brother. I know I’ve been distant for quite a while now and I really miss you and as sad as this sounds, this is most likely gonna be the first of many more birthdays of yours I’d be missing. I love you little sister, Happy Birthday. Have fun and kick ass.

Martian Adult: Le f*ck? What is this that the M.B.A.C is sending us?…. Retarded bunch, let’s go do naughty things in the shower honey. No one’s watching.
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Pardon me y’all. It’s my little sister’s birthday today and I had to try to do something to say a special “Happy Birthday” :p. if you’ve read it this far, thank you for allowing me waste your time once again. You Eartlings can leave my house now, thanks. Bye.
– @The_Basco